Thursday throw out!
I am super excited for the weekend because I get to spend time with one of my oldest friends on her birthday. I also get to hang out with Some awesome new friends ;) .
I thought a little romance was in order.
Relentless Heart
Maggie
I have found as I get older that it doesn't take much to make me happy.
Actually, it takes very little at all.
I had pretty much resigned myself to being alone the rest of my life. After Marcus I didn't even want to be looked at much less touched. The scars that he left on my body and soul have been my life's mission to cover. The tattoos that I have decorated my body with aren't for vanity, or even show for that matter. Each one represents some battle within me that I am fighting with daily. Each one covers a scar that I am trying to hide form the world.
Before Ty no one asked why I cover myself from neck to toe with fabric. Many people just deduced I was conservative or shy. Only my true friends know of my jaded past. Beyond that, even fewer know of my panic attacks and anxiety when it comes to my body. When I started covering myself with ink I gained a small amount of confidence back. By that time, however, I was so used to being covered, that it was just instinct to do so.
And then Ty happened.
Slowly he started to make me feel comfortable in my own skin. I mean, yea, the man already saw me naked on the day I got sick all over his car and apartment. If I hadn't been so buzzed when I woke up on his couch I probably would have gone full mental on him. Complete with glassy eyes and the catatonic, knee grabbing, and body rocking. That would have been a site to behold.
Yet he has never pushed me for more than I wanted to give.
I awoke tonight with the credits of some movie playing. My head buried in Ty's lap. His hand tangled in my hair. The scent of his Gucci Guilty blanketing me. He stirs as I adjust my head in his leg so I am able to take in his beauty. He has no clue what he does to me simply by being a good person. I have never felt so cherished and loved. It is simple things that make me melt. Like the fact he always has to touch me. Like he needs to touch me to keep himself calm, or to know I am there. He is always so kind. Even though I never allow him to pay for me, he always tries.
Ty knew the first time he touched me that he was doing it at his own risk. The confusion in his eyes as I bristled and waited for him to stop. I knew right then he understood that I was so beyond repair that he would have to stop himself from doing what came so naturally to him. He would have to wait to love me. And even though he had to fight his urges, he knew he would have to fight mine more.
Day by day he has been battling my demons, and I let him. I am just so tiered of fighting them alone.
Sitting up, careful not to wake the angel that carries me through my battles, I notice my shirt has risen up over my torso exposing my phoenix. This tattoo means the most to me. It covers the worst of my scars, and is a symbol of my will to live. After being beaten to the brink of death, and caused more trauma than my then young body could handle, they restarted my heart three times. The disturbing part is I remember every shock of the paddles. The burning sensation they left on my skin, the blinding reds that passed through my vision, the feeling of flying. I was a phoenix being reborn from fire, and I would not let the fire take me.
With a tug of my shirt I cover the beautiful bird and fold my arms over my stomach just in time to feel Ty wrap his arms around me and press his hard chest to my back.
"I am sorry, I had to see it again." Ty breathed against my neck, in a sleepy apology. "You are so beautiful I wish you wouldn't cover yourself."
There it is again. His relentless heart trying so hard to blanket mine. I shift slowly to a stand, Ty watching me with curious eyes as I extend a hand to him. He takes it slowly, eyebrows knitting together in confusion, and stands in front of me. I lean in and place a soft but searing kiss in his lips. Ty doesn't move before I pull away and look him in the eye.
"I think I am ready for you to love me now." I say with a tug on his hand, as I slowly lead him to the bedroom.
I thought a little romance was in order.
Relentless Heart
Maggie
I have found as I get older that it doesn't take much to make me happy.
Actually, it takes very little at all.
I had pretty much resigned myself to being alone the rest of my life. After Marcus I didn't even want to be looked at much less touched. The scars that he left on my body and soul have been my life's mission to cover. The tattoos that I have decorated my body with aren't for vanity, or even show for that matter. Each one represents some battle within me that I am fighting with daily. Each one covers a scar that I am trying to hide form the world.
Before Ty no one asked why I cover myself from neck to toe with fabric. Many people just deduced I was conservative or shy. Only my true friends know of my jaded past. Beyond that, even fewer know of my panic attacks and anxiety when it comes to my body. When I started covering myself with ink I gained a small amount of confidence back. By that time, however, I was so used to being covered, that it was just instinct to do so.
And then Ty happened.
Slowly he started to make me feel comfortable in my own skin. I mean, yea, the man already saw me naked on the day I got sick all over his car and apartment. If I hadn't been so buzzed when I woke up on his couch I probably would have gone full mental on him. Complete with glassy eyes and the catatonic, knee grabbing, and body rocking. That would have been a site to behold.
Yet he has never pushed me for more than I wanted to give.
I awoke tonight with the credits of some movie playing. My head buried in Ty's lap. His hand tangled in my hair. The scent of his Gucci Guilty blanketing me. He stirs as I adjust my head in his leg so I am able to take in his beauty. He has no clue what he does to me simply by being a good person. I have never felt so cherished and loved. It is simple things that make me melt. Like the fact he always has to touch me. Like he needs to touch me to keep himself calm, or to know I am there. He is always so kind. Even though I never allow him to pay for me, he always tries.
Ty knew the first time he touched me that he was doing it at his own risk. The confusion in his eyes as I bristled and waited for him to stop. I knew right then he understood that I was so beyond repair that he would have to stop himself from doing what came so naturally to him. He would have to wait to love me. And even though he had to fight his urges, he knew he would have to fight mine more.
Day by day he has been battling my demons, and I let him. I am just so tiered of fighting them alone.
Sitting up, careful not to wake the angel that carries me through my battles, I notice my shirt has risen up over my torso exposing my phoenix. This tattoo means the most to me. It covers the worst of my scars, and is a symbol of my will to live. After being beaten to the brink of death, and caused more trauma than my then young body could handle, they restarted my heart three times. The disturbing part is I remember every shock of the paddles. The burning sensation they left on my skin, the blinding reds that passed through my vision, the feeling of flying. I was a phoenix being reborn from fire, and I would not let the fire take me.
With a tug of my shirt I cover the beautiful bird and fold my arms over my stomach just in time to feel Ty wrap his arms around me and press his hard chest to my back.
"I am sorry, I had to see it again." Ty breathed against my neck, in a sleepy apology. "You are so beautiful I wish you wouldn't cover yourself."
There it is again. His relentless heart trying so hard to blanket mine. I shift slowly to a stand, Ty watching me with curious eyes as I extend a hand to him. He takes it slowly, eyebrows knitting together in confusion, and stands in front of me. I lean in and place a soft but searing kiss in his lips. Ty doesn't move before I pull away and look him in the eye.
"I think I am ready for you to love me now." I say with a tug on his hand, as I slowly lead him to the bedroom.
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