Thursday throw out

I have been in a mood today. Which is a welcome change from the indifference that has accompanied my newly medicated self. 

Everything I write has some meaning to me. However, today's post embodies how I feel on a daily basis. I often wish I could scream these feelings in peoples faces. Unfortunately, the world would likely lock me up if I walked around saying exactly how I feel...so I became a writer.  

Not sure if I will ever use this piece, but putting it on paper cleansed my soul. At least, for a little while. 




*untitled*

“Don’t look at me like that!” I scream at him.

“Like what?” He replies, confused.

“Like I am damaged, or like I am not good enough for you. I already know that. You don’t have to reinforce what I feel every time I am in your presence by blanketing me in pity with your eyes. I know exactly who I am, and where I come from. I killed myself to get out of that situation. Just because I wasn’t afforded all of the opportunities you were, does not make me less a human. All I want out of life is to get from paycheck to paycheck without having to skip paying a bill, without choosing between gas and food. If I have to work two jobs and drive a million miles to do that, then so be it. You will not make me feel bad about who I am. You have never wanted for anything your whole life. Once you have walked in my shoes, then you can look at me like that.”

“My life hasn’t been that easy either.” He retorts.

“Oh really? Have you ever skipped a meal so your child could eat? Have you ever had to call in sick to work because your car broke down and you could not afford to fix it? Have you ever had to choose between fixing your teeth and buying your kid school supplies? I doubt it. I have to deal with reality. The reality, when people like you look at me, they see poor white trash. They would never consider me for promotion, because I don’t have the right cloths, talk to the right people. That is my world, what is so rough about yours.”

“My entire life has been shaped by other people’s expectations. You wouldn’t understand.”

“You are right; your first world problems are probably way out of my realm of understanding. While I was waiting tables to buy school cloths when I was sixteen, you were probably pissed off because your daddy bought you the wrong color Bimmer for your birthday.” 

“Fuck you Daisy. You don’t know a thing about me.”

“Your right, I don’t. Doesn’t it suck when people make assumptions about you based on where you came from?” 

He was silent, and so was I. It was an impasse. He couldn’t comprehend what I have been through, and I couldn’t imagine where he came from. He is still the most beautiful thing I have laid eyes on, but it was different now. His eyes no longer filled with pity. Instead, they burned with hatred. With a heavy sigh, I break our stare down.  Hate may be and irrational emotion, but it is one I can understand.

 ****

Until next week, Adu.