The @*$^#%#*@(#&$(* Thursday throw out

Well my computer crashed last night.. so this is all I have for you. Something I have been playing with for a little while but haven't gotten far on. I shared a little on Monday or Tuesday, this is pretty much all of it. I have to go and copy the first part of the short story from my author page in order to continue it.. but I promise I will finish.


hope this appeases the writing gods.

The Fallback Rut

Epilogue

He took me.


Right there against the dirty alleyway wall.


He took me hard and fast and I let him, because something was better than nothing with Alex.


Then he left me standing there, panties at my ankles, hands braced against the wall. He walked away without a word, and I let him. Fucking perfect example of my years of wasted pining for the man.


Standing here at his mother's funeral, six weeks later, he hasn't even given me a passing glance. My brother noticed the iciness right away, but save for a couple confused glances between the two of us, he has yet to broach the subject. What my twin lacks in brains he makes up for in intuition.


Alex stiffens as it make my way to the front of the receiving line. I get a curt nod and hand shake, when my entire being wants to wrap him in a hug. Josh gives him a bro hug, but Alex holds him a beat longer than necessary. When I turn to look back I see his eyes redden with unshed tears. He is hurting, but doesn't want me. He never has.


Two hours later I am saying my goodbyes to Alex's younger sister. I haven't seen her since I left for college last fall. She must have grown four inches. My heart hurts as she tells me how much she misses me, and squeezes me harder. Her mother and I were the only one to ever understand how special she is. Now she has no one to talk to. "Remember you can call me whenever you want to. If it is ok with your dad you can come visit me sometime." Sapphire nods and sniffs back more tears, so I kiss her forehead and make my way to the car.


Josh is nowhere to be seen, and I huff a frustrated breath as I lean against the car. The parking lot is dark, save for the one streetlight, and a cold chill crawls up my spine from the night air flowing up my skirt. I would wait in the car, but Josh has the keys.


Perfect.


"Why are you here Jenna." Alex's deep voice finds me in the darkness and I turn towards its sound. His once warm eyes are cold as he stares at me. Shaking my head I just turn back toward the funeral home willing my twin to emerge so we can leave.


The smell of marijuana infiltrates my nose as once again Alex speaks, only this time much closer, and not angry. "I asked you why you are here."


"I heard you." I reply without turning around.


"Then answer."


Seething I turn toward him, unable to contain my rage toward the man who has been part of my life since I was 9. The boy who stole my first kiss, and took me on my first date. The man who not two months ago claimed me in an alley, and then disappeared. Why. The. Fuck. Is. He. Mad. At. Me.


"Fuck you Alex." I give the weakest response in the history of backhanded responses.


"Did you forget, sweetie, I've already done that."


I don't register the slap until I feel the stinging of my palm. Alex places a hand on the cheek I assaulted, working his jaw back and forth, and glaring at me venomously. A throat clearing at my side draws me from our face off.


"What's going on here?" Josh's confused look makes me drop my eyes. I grab the keys from him and unlock the door, slipping inside the safety of the confined space. A minute late josh enters the passenger door, staring a hole in the side of my head as I back out of our space. I know he is waiting for me to explain, or maybe trying to read my mind. All I know is I need to get out of here. Away from the man, who after he walked away from me in the alley, told his football, frat-boy friends-- he had an appointment with his "fall back rut."

 

Part one

Simpler times

 Jenna: Age 9

“Jenna stay out of Jos’s room.” My mother calls as I jump on Josh’s bed. Josh moans as I jostle him and I look down just in time to see him throw up in a bucket momma had placed on the floor at his side.


“Eww.” I scream as I jump off the bed “Gross.” Josh groans and rolls onto his back throwing an arm over his face.


Mama enters the room and drags me out by the elbow. “Josh has the flu baby, he can’t play today.”


“Awww, but I wanted to make slime with my science kit.” I whine as mom pulls me toward the kitchen.


“I am sorry honey, but you are just going to have to go play outside. Why don’t you go see what that nice girl down the street is doing today.”


I groan in disapproval. “But Mom, all she ever wants to do is play with dolls. You know I don’t like dolls, they are creepy.”


“Jenna sweetie. You need to get outside more, and I have to clean this house so everyone who lives here doesn’t get the flu. So please, do as I ask just this one time.”  Mama is using her exasperated tone. I know this because my word of the day calendar told me what exasperated meant. Other kids, including the girl down the street, make fun of me for using big words. Which is why I choose to stay home and play with my science kit and telescope.


Grabbing my bug net and magnifying glass, I decide to placate my mother head outside. Miss Tillie lives three houses down and has a beautiful flower garden. She lets me hunt for bugs to examine amongst all of the plants in her yard.


When I reach her house Miss Tillie is speaking to a pretty blonde woman with warm brown eyes. The stranger smiles down at me as I approach. I stand shyly on Miss Tillie’s walkway waiting for her to notice me and give me permission to head back to her secret garden. A name we had lovingly given it last summer after she read me the book.


Miss Tillie glances over her shoulder when she sees the warm eyed woman smile in my direction. “Jenna, come here dear.” Miss Tillie holds her hand out to me and I shyly take it. “This is Mrs. Anderson, they are moving in next door.”


“Hello.” I respond, instantly feeling my cheeks heat. I take a step behind Miss Tillie. The new lady looks nice, but I am not good with people.


Mrs. Anderson crouches down and pulls on one of my auburn curls. “You are just the cutest thing, You are going to be a heartbreaker when you get older.” I move farther behind Miss Tillie. All adults tell me this. However, I know that all of the other kids think my red hair and freckles are ugly. I have thick glasses that my mom put one of those rubber bands on to keep me from breaking them. The boys call me four eyes, and the girls call me strawberry patch. Not when Josh is around, though. Never when Josh is there to keep me safe.


“This one is a little shy.” Miss Tillie qualifies as Mrs. Anderson stands up. “She has a twin brother though, right about the same age as your son.”


My stomach rolls at the thought of meeting another person today. Just as I am about to turn around and go play in my own back yard, the door to the house next door to Tillie's bursts open. A boy with spikey brown hair comes tearing down the steps and across the yard.


“Mom, my room is huge, and the attic is so cool! Can I use it as a clubhouse?” Mrs. Anderson smiles broadly at the boy and tucks him into her side.


“Tillie, this is my son—“


“Hi, I am Alex.”  The boy says excitedly and thrusts his hand toward Tillie. “I can mow your lawn for ten dollars a week.”


Tillie chuckles at the boy as his mother admonishes him for being rude. Miss Tillie doesn’t need someone to mow her lawn. Josh does it for free.


“Who are you?”  The overly excited boy says, leaning around Tillie to look at me.


“Jenna.” I whisper, keeping my eyes to the ground and letting my curls cover my four eyed face.


“I’m Alex. Do you want to see my new room?” I tentatively lift my head, wondering if he was just teasing me like the other children. He had soft brown eyes like his mother and a genuine smile spread across his face. Not a trace of deception behind his friendly expression.


Opening my mouth to respond I barely get a sound out before emptying the contents of my stomach onto the sidewalk at Alex’s feet. He hops back before my breakfast splashes on his sneakers. Raising my hand to my mouth I turn and run toward my home, Tillie calling after me in concern. My body feels sticky and cold, I wonder if embarrassment has ever actually killed anyone, because right now I want to die.


Mama opens the door when she sees me charging up the stairs, phone to her ear. “Yes she is here. Her brother has the flu, so she probably caught it too. Oh no, please apologize to his mother for me. Yes Tillie thank you for the heads up.”


Mama hangs up the phone and wraps me in her arms, but as much as I want the comfort I need to find the bathroom again. I wrench free and run like I am on fire toward our main floor bathroom. The next thing I know I am being carried in my father’s arms.


I only slightly register the fact that he places me on my brothers bed with a bucket at my side. I guess it is easier to deal with two sick people in one spot than at different sides of the house. I curl on to my side feeling achy and exhausted, just to find my brothers green eyes, same shade as mine, staring at me. He is so much bigger than me, that he makes me feel small and safe at the same time.


“You ok ladybug/” He asks, and I sigh feeling my eyelids start to drop. Sleep is going to take me whether I want it to or not. “You will feel better soon, ladybug, I promise” I feel his finger tweak my nose just as I drift away into oblivion.