An open letter to my 17 year old self.


Hey kid,

I know, I know, you don’t think of yourself that way.  Trust me though, you are.

I know you were forced to grow up too fast. You spent your childhood wishing that you could have a normal family, a normal life, but that is not the hand you were dealt. No one can change that except for you, only you can’t see that now.  In fact, you won’t for at least twenty more years.

You are beautiful, though you don’t see that. When you look at pictures of yourself in the future, you won’t see the wallflower that you perceive. You will look at them and smile, and wish you could be that girl again.

Stop doubting yourself.  Just because life didn’t hand you a four course meal on a golden platter, does not mean you are destined to spend your entire being  licking the feet of those you deem above you.  You are special, you are beautiful, you are kind, you are original, and you are loved. I know, no one told you this when you were young, so I am doing it now.

Stop dwelling on your past. I know that you have seen more, experienced more, than most people have at your age. You need to let it go. It does not define you. That is not who you are. The people who left you, hurt you, took advantage of you, they will not mean anything to you in twenty years. Love yourself, because no one else can love you until you learn how to do exactly that.

Slow down, please, just take a breath. Having fun is not the meaning of life.  I cannot stress this enough. By the time you turn twenty-one, you are going to feel like an old woman trapped in a child’s body.  Life does not get any easier, take the time to enjoy it while you can.

In twenty years, you will find yourself lost. The only anchor in your life will be the child that you love so much, she makes you feel like your heart might just burst. The friends that you have now, will still be there, but they will have their own lives and families. The only person you can rely on is you. Don’t be in a hurry to get to that point. Trust me, all of those things you decided your life would never be like, well, they happen.  Everything you think you won’t have to deal with, you do.

It is called life sweetheart.  Take the good, with the bad, because it does not get any easier.

You have a good head on your shoulders. You are smart and ambitious. Keep that second sight, your instincts are golden.  The second things get dangerous run like hell. It may be the only thing that kept us alive all these years.  Don’t let love make you stupid, because it will, repetitively. Cherish your mother, for she did everything she could for you. Finally, don’t lose hope.

One last thing.

Always tell those closest to you that you love them. Your light is what draws them to you. Never lose your sparkle.

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