An open letter to you

You never know where you will be when the darkness comes. The irrational disappointment over trivial things, the suffocating sadness. It happens when you least expect it. The hollow feeling, like ice is spreading from your core to your extremities. I fight it. HARD. However, it always wins.

There is not much anyone can do about it. You try to find solace in the kind words of those around you. You try to pull what strength you have from their encouragement and support, but you just cant.

Sure you have spurts of calm. Moments that you forget the fear and emptiness. They always return though, the second you are left in your own head.  Hours. Days. Weeks of soul crushing pain.

Helplessness. Literally, it feels as if there is no hope, no possible way things will ever get better.  No one or nothing can convince you otherwise. When a person is in this state, they are shrouded in darkness. Darkness that blinds them of all the wonders of life and surrounds them in their own personal hell.

So you endure. You take a breath. Then another. You force a smile, then another, and eventually you start to believe it. Believe that its over, you WILL be fine. And so you are. For a while.

To all of those who deal with a person such as I. A person who has more bad days than good. A person who just can't more days than they can. I thank you.

You can't know how much it means to know that there are people out there who will hold you up, when you cannot even hold yourself. People who will go out of their way to make you laugh, and cry happy tears. people who give you a dose of tough love instead of placating you. These people are the ones that help you get past all of the pain and suffering. They are the fog light that brings you out of the darkness. They are the rock you settle your sea legs on.

To my rocks, my fog lights, my support, my comedy and my reality, god bless you.

You have NO CLUE how much you help me.

I love you all.

Love,
Star






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